Holidaze!!!!

As I sit here thinking over the present Christmas past, I begin to realize how blessed I really am. Yes, "I am blessed" seems to have become such a cliche of sorts, but I sincerely mean and feel it. Looking back over past holidays I have many wonderful memories, but also heartache. Family is so important to me. It is such a part of who I am and who I want to be. I love tradition, family gatherings, and sharing special times and holidays with those who are so near and dear to me.



However, there were times in my life when I was completely and utterly alone with no one to blame but myself. My family has never turned their backs on me; but, I turned my back on them. Those words are rather harsh...I never actually turned my back on them, but I walked away from them because I didn't think I was worthy of their love and support. I was in a very bad place for a very long time. In my head, I walked away out of love for THEM. I did not want them to see who I was becoming. I turned into a hardened, loveless, unfeeling being that perceived myself as unworthy of ever being loved or ever being capable of happiness. Guess what? They never gave up on me. NEVER! Through others faith in me, and the love and support that they constantly surrounded me with, I saw through all the negativity I had created and then, little by little, began to see what they had all seen all along. I began to love unconditionally and in turn, found true unconditional love. I found someone that loves me for me, nothing more and nothing less.



I understand that my path is not for everyone and believe me when I say, looking back, I would never have chosen it for myself. I understand that there are many out there that would look at my life and the choices I have made and wonder why I would put myself through all that I have. But it is not for anyone else to understand, it was simply my path. I had to go through what I went through to find myself and recognize what is truly important to me and what it is that I need out of this life to make me whole. I know that I am not exactly where I need to be in life, but I do know that I am on the right track to take me there. I know that I am loved and that I love fiercely.


What if those that love me and those that I love had simply given up and walked away? Where would I be now? I thank God every day that I don't have the answer to that question. I don't want to know the answer and truthfully the answer is irrelevant because the question is rhetorical. I am loved and I do love and that my friends, to me, is the key to life!

Happy New Year!